5 Lessons Learned From Loss and Pain

Through loss and pain we often hurt others while trying to find ourselves again | www.drnicolemeastman.com

Through loss and pain we often H U R T others while trying to find ourselves again…


I AM NO EXCEPTION  to this unfortunate truth and it hurts me now to know that I have been the source of others’ pain (yes, unfortunately I do believe that I have hurt many people and that apostrophe is no grammar mistake). In losing myself to a near fatal accident, I was faced with tremendous loss, pain, and fear and I hurt in a way that left me feeling hopeless and completely alone. I experienced the depths of depression and I struggled to find reason for my survival.


While in bed and in pain, I came to accept my faith and I came to understand that I had two choices. I could give up or I could make the choice to begin a journey of healing. I chose the more difficult path. I chose to HEAL. In choosing to heal, I chose to accept FAITH, a new LIFE, and choices that would help ME. In doing so, I distanced myself from negativity, toxic habits, and relationships that no longer served ME and this without a doubt caused pain to others.


As I look back, I am sorry that I caused pain to others through my own journey of healing and self-discovery. If you are reading this and you have experienced pain because of me, then I am sorry – I truly am sorry and I pray that you will find forgiveness in your heart for my pain. I am also sorry that I was so guarded in the past that people never had an opportunity to get to know the real me.


The real me – the me that was hidden behind walls that were constructed to keep anyone from getting too close. Why would I want to let anyone in? If I did, then they would have an opportunity to cause pain and hurt – oh my sensitive soul.


Oh those | w a l l s |walls…those were the same walls that were demolished and left me feeling completely fearfully exposed, and with the question of “Who Am I?”  No longer having a sense of identity – that was the most painful part of this journey.  I remember the tears and the emotion that came with not knowing who I was.

Can YOU relate? Are you hiding from the world in fear? Are you afraid that if you got real, then you would also get hurt? Are you foregoing LOVE, because love in itself is a place of vulnerability?


In healing


, I have seen others heal alongside me too. This is what makes life such a beautiful struggle. On one hand, we hurt others because we take a journey to self-discovery and authenticity, but then on the other hand, as we heal we see others heal too – others who need an example of courage, trust, faith, and hope. As I have allowed myself to embrace fear and become vulnerable, I have seen others experience joy despite life circumstances. I have seen pain diminished, I have seen marriages and relationships survive broken trust and unfaithfulness, and I have seen babies born in lives of those who were beginning to be hopeless; but whose hope was restored through faith and ultimately beautiful little miracle babies.




So, what have I learned from all of this – this journey of loss, pain, acceptance, healing, and forgiveness?

I have learned that in choosing a journey of healing you will likely be faced with choices that can cause more pain or can initiate a wave of healing.  I have learned that we need to forgive ourselves for healing in the best way we know how.  I have learned that so often when we are consumed by our own pain we lose sight of the pain we are causing others.  I have learned that it is most freeing to forgive those who have hurt you during their times of pain – forgiveness is powerful.  I have learned that life is indeed a beautiful struggle, filled with lessons that allow us to grow and make new choices for a better life.